My boss brought her Corgi into work
But a corgi can’t even use a pencil or lift boxes or use a computer, what is it getting paid for?
Someone should market a pair of heels made out of hemp
So when people ask what you’re wearing
you can respond
“High heels”
I don’t exercise because endorphins are produced and these give me bad thoughts.
I don’t know how you guys do it at the gym
but I definitely couldn’t keep working out
if my brain kept telling me
end orphans
Having coffee with a friend. Mmm, green tea.
Your friend looks like one of Katy Perry’s cousins.
(Because she feels like a plastic bag. And that friend of yours is a paper bag)
(This joke is a stretch)
You know what’s a really big turn off?
People who say “irregardless”
It isn’t a word. Ir negates regardless. Less negates iregard. Iregard isn’t a word either. If you wanted the opposite of “regardless” then you would just use “in regard to.” That being said, people who use “irregardless” use it as though it means the same thing as “regardless.” No. Just no. Learn prefixes and suffixes.
Non-unirregardlessnessly.
STEREOTYPES ARE THE VIEWS OF THE SMALL-MINDED.
Trick question. THEY BOTH ARE.
That’s why they’re standing so close.
I’m more worried about the fact that their heads are removed from their bodies. Did you really behead two people and affix them to a wall just to make a point?
Using USPS to ship internationally
But it’s the United States Postal Service.
Do they just stop caring when it reaches the border or
what
do they shoot your package for jumping the border?
today in chem lab, my lab partner and i worked for an hour to make this solution and when we took the pH it was 6.66
we both looked at each other and went OH GOD
It would’ve been great if one of you yelled “HAIL SATAN”
If I knew my teacher very well:
And I had to write a paper
I have a spare keyboard
and I would write up a paper properly just in case the teacher’s sense of humor doesn’t extend to paper extensions
but anyway, I would get that external keyboard and pluck off the letters k-h-o-r-m-e-w and then cut out all those letters from my actual paper
and then I would bring in the paper with the missing letters and the keyboard with the letters missing
and tell the teacher that a dog ate my “homework.”
or at least the keys that can spell homework.
Hamburgers.
Reading Minds, Brains, and Programs by John R. Searle.
Quote:
“Suppose you are given the following story: ‘A man went into a restaurant and ordered a hamburger. When the hamburger arrived it was burned to a crisp, and the man stormed out of the restaurant angrily, without paying for the hamburger or leaving a time. ‘Now, if you are asked ‘Did the man eat the hamburger?’ you will presumably answer, ‘No, he did not’
“Similarly, if you are given the following story: ‘A man went into a restaurant and ordered a hamburger; when the hamburger came he was very pleased with it; and as he left the restaurant he gave the waitress a large tip before paying his bill,’ and when you are asked the question, ‘Did the man eat the hamburger?’…”
And I stop there.
Because when I read that story. And hear that question I reply:
“So in this story, does the man get pleased by the hamburger or is it the waitress’s doing? That would definitely explain her large tip before the bill was paid. He doesn’t even know how much it cost yet if this is a typical burger joint. Is the burger sentient? You say the burger ‘came.’ What exactly do you mean by this? Why was the man pleased by this event? This is not what burgers normally do. Why would someone eat a burger after he knew it was sentient or capable of that action? This is a really difficult question and I’m not entirely sure how to interpret it because of that specific sentence.”
