When my girlfriend is over and I’m playing COD, she says that if I’m first place in the game I’ll get a blowjob. I’m getting pretty damn good at that game.
I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. My parents were into some really weird fetishes.
A woman came through my till to return a vibrator. When the till asked me for the reason for the refund I chose “Customer not satisfied” from the selection. I think my laughing might have embarrassed her.
Do pokemon hear everything we say as, people, people, people?
One day, I got a text from my mom that said, “Let’s go to dinner wtf.” When I got home, I asked her if the text was a typo and she got really confused, so I kind of just let it go. The next day, I was walking behind my mom when she was on Facebook and read a message over her shoulder. She was typing to her best friend: “I’m so excited for Christmas wtf!!” I asked her again; after about a 30 minute argument, I managed to get through to her that “wtf” is NOT “with the family!” She had apparently been using that for the last year! I guess her friends must just thing she curses ALLL the time… My poor mother was mortified. I was exasperated.
I work at an AT&T store and have to deal with iPhone issues all the time. One time a woman walks in with her iPhone all pissed off and says, “You sold me a defective iPhone! I can barely hear the other person on this damn f**king thing! I want a new one NOW!”. Taking one look at the phone I told the lady that I could fix it for her, but she doubted me and said that she didn’t want a “fixed yet defective iPhone you dumb a-hole”. I proceeded to take off the screen film that comes on new iPhones which covers the mic as well and told her to try it now. She turned red faster than Santa with a bottle of whiskey.
