breaking news: Britney Spears owns a fucking washing machine
(Source: have--not, via theonetruenidoking)
knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit
wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
That was deep
(Source: malfoysexslave, via denisearev)
(Source: daveywaveyyy, via sydneythesignificant)
(Source: ashley.tk, via badgerointment)
"Sir, be aware we’re going to be experiencing turbearlance"
"oh that’s ok, I can bear it. This isn’t my fur-st time in the air."
"If you say so, Mr. President."
YES I AM RELEASING THIS THING ONTO THE WONDER TRADE.
humans are so cute, when we say goodbye we put our arms around each other and to show we love someone we bring them flowers. we say hello by holding each other’s hand, and sometimes tiny little dewdrops form in our eyes. for pleasure we listen to arrangements of sounds, press our lips together, smoke dried leaves, get drunk off of old fruit. we’re all just little animals, falling in love and having breakfast beneath billions of stars
this is my favorite post
this egg fucking froze because our fridge is too cold
Why would you keep the eggs on the fridge?
we keep our eggs in the fridge…so they don’t denature? do you not refrigerate your eggs?
Because of the way our eggs are processed and the prevalence of salmonella in american chickens, americans have to fridge their eggs.
Wait, they don’t refrigerate eggs in other countries?
wait what people in other countries dont refrigerate eggs???
[RiffTrax: “Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith”]
i am kind of sad ok
this cat’s name is Princess Monster Truck
*gasp* Friend is lonely?
on my way friend… woah wait…yes
I dance to maek you happy
did friend like dance?
I shall battle the sadness!
friend isso pretty, she shouldnt feel sad or lonely
lots of people love friend! shes funny
I give huggles to friend
when friend is happy, we are happy
remember to smile okay? Smile as you read this!
you are not alone friend. I am here. Be happy.